i am never getting pictures done at walmart again EVER

I'm not kidding. I know I've said that before, but I am truly truly done with them. This is going to sound grumpy, and it is, but just be glad I didn't write it when I got home.

I had an appointment today at 12 noon to have Jordan's pictures taken at the local Walmart Portrait Studio. I had all the kids with me (as I did last month when I took Tennyson). They have this package deal for $8 and 30 pictures. Not bad right?

Before I headed over to the portrait studio, I went to the photo lab to scan a photo to pick up in one hour. I put both boys in the cart and let Jordan walk. Of course I knew it would be a pain to make her stay with me. She refuses. I yelled a few times. Eventually she came back and stood next to the cart, playing with merchandise. I know, I shouldn't let her, but she was where I could see her. It took me all of maybe 10 minutes to finish up at the machine. By minute 7, Tennyson was pinching his legs together and whining at the top of his voice that he had to pee now!! I know they have to pee when they say it. I also know that I was all of two minutes from being done. I kept reassuring him that mommy was almost done and that he just had to hold on for one more minute. Ha.

I finish up, I run to the bathroom.

Seriously, how many times in a day do kids have to go? My kids are so bloody regular it's not even funny. This morning at diaper gym I wiped two poopy arses. After getting home I wiped the same two poopy arses again. Mitchie filled his pants this morning. By 1 o'clock I can often count on 5 or 6 kid shits. They never tell me they're going to the washroom until after the deed is done. Then I'll be sitting at playgroup visiting with the other women and you'll hear one of my kids hollering from in the bathroom "Mommmmyyy! Can you wipe my buuuuummmmm!!!"

I'd love to. Oh how I love playing poopoo maid all day.

How old do kids have to be before they wipe their own bums?

Anyway, back to the Walmart bathroom. I get everyone into the big stall at the end, and Tennyson plops himself down onto the potty. Then I tried to get Jordan to change into her new, clean outfit for her picture. She doesn't want a new clean outfit. She wants the dress that Mommy let her wear a second day in a row over top of shorts because it's too short. She was pissed, I was frustrated, I had to pee. Tennyson hops off the potty. Turns out it was out of order and it was piled with poop and toilet paper already. None of it was his. Gross. I was not about to sit on that, but unfortunately, but this time my daughter had already stripped naked so I had to hang out in there with the Walmart outhouse potty just a tad longer.

Did I mention that before she undressed she set down what she had been holding in her hand? Turns out that when she was playing around at the racks while I was scanning photos she had taken about a dozen price/label tags off the front of the shelves. I bet they must love when people bring their kids into the store.

I get my grumpy daughter dressed and tell her and Tennyson to stand with Mitchell, the shopping cart, and my purse just outside the stall door while I use the next washroom. Of course, the minute I sit down the two kids are racing full tilt from one end of the washroom and back, over and over. There are days (literally) when I think "gee, I have to pee" and then I realize two hours later that I still haven't gone. This is why. I'm not kidding. I'm glad I still have fantastic bladder control despite having given birth three times already. I don't have time for post-pregnancy incontinence.

Too much info? Ha! Suffer.

After the bathroom "fun" we head back over to the portrait studio.
The lady says "Oh you have an appointment tomorrow."
I say "Uh, no, I have an appointment today at noon."
"Well it's in here for tomorrow at noon. Saturday. Today is Friday."
Deep breath Tiffany, deep deep breath.
"I know it's Friday. I made the appointment for Friday, June 11th at noon. There is no way I can come tomorrow."
"Well, okay, we can get you in."

I find it really aggravating when it's assumed that any mistake must be mine. I know I'm not perfect, but I have this thing when I make appointments where I stand at the calendar, actually write it on while I'm on the phone, and then repeat the weekday, date and time back to the person at the end of the call because I know that I don't always have babysitters and if I get to an appointment and it turns out I don't actually have one that I'm going to be really unhappy and I may or may not get to come again a day later. But of course, she was nice enough to get me in, even though I didn't have an appointment. And I was stupid. Not Walmart.

Imagine my thoughts. I'm too nice to lip off. Maybe not nice, maybe just chicken. Because the thoughts rolling through my head were anything but nice. But seriously, I have never actually gotten aggressive or nasty in these kinds of situations. Lucky for her. Give me a half hour of trying to stand in one place, scan pictures, take a kid pee in a broken down toilet, have my kids pull shelves apart, change outfits, and then tell me that I don't have an appointment. She's lucky I was raised to be nice and non-confrontational.

The photographer goes into the little room and starts setting things up. I get my daughter's shoes off and her hair brushed. I let her know that I just want the economy picture package again. I had had Tennyson's done there a month before.

"Well you can't get that one, you're only allowed one per family," she informs me.
"Okaaay, well the woman on the phone who booked the appointment for me said that as long as I booked it far enough ahead, I think she said a month, that I could get it again. That's why she picked the day she did."
"Well no, it doesn't work that way. It wouldn't have been me you were talking to, or my manager, because we wouldn't have told you that."

Imagine my joy. By now I'm frustrated, I'm hungry, Mitchell and Tennyson are fighting in the cart, Jordan is climbing the picture props trying to get a 5 out of the box, and the lady is telling me that I can't get the promo package that I originally called about.

"Okay," I said. "Well, what other kinds of packages do you have?"
"The next one starts at $99."

Okay, not to sound cheap, but we're on a serious budget these days. You know, early apprentice wages, one income, soon to be 4 kids. I kind of sit there at a loss as to what to do. I still have two other kids to photograph in the next couple of months.

"Or you can order sheets at $10 each."
"Okay, maybe I'll do that and just get an 8x10 for my wall."

Of course I know full well that I intend to go scan the bloody thing so I can pass out a few.

"No problem," she says. Ha! The whole while I know she thinks that I'm the one that's got everything wrong, from the appointment day to the package details, and that she probably figures she's just enduring this screwed up lady and her entourage of fighting, climbing children.

I'm sort of on the verge of tears with the entire thing already.

Then she's trying to get Jordan to sit and pose pretty and put her knees together and maybe not hunch down and maybe smile nice and not like she's trying not to poo herself. She'd get her sitting all pretty and by the time she'd be back over to the camera Jordan would have spun around on the stool three times and have her skirt up around her waist and would be smiling her big fake smile with her shoulders up around her ears and she'd be holding her flowers down between her bare knees because that's where she wanted them.

Did you know they can't just take one or two pictures? Because even if you just want to order one stinkin' picture for your wall, they're still obligated to do the entire picture session.

Did you know that if Mitchell grabs the back of Tennyson's shirt and yanks him backwards that Tennyson will turn around and smack him on top of his head and they'll both start wrestling around in the cart? Did you know that not even the spectacle of Jordan laying on her back on the ground while yelling "Stinky Feet Cheese!" when she's supposed to be "posing" isn't enough to distract the boys from each other for a few minutes? They thrive on pestering each other.

Did you know that if Jordan sees a friend of hers on the way out of the store that she'll want out of the cart (where she's been jailed) and spend the next 20 minutes threatening and whining and crying and telling you that she's never going to hug or kiss me ever again ever and that even if Tennyson still does that it won't matter because I won't have a girl to do it? Or that once she starts kicking the van seat in front of her she can last and last and last until I finally threaten to pull over and do something about it?

I don't even know how to end this post. Just rest assured that next time I'll get photos done on a Saturday, with my husband around to help and NOT at Walmart.

Comments

Q&L said…
Now I'm MAD! What was the lady's name, and what's the managers name, I'll give them a piece of something!! lol
Sorry, you had such a poopy day. Quinn drags me into Walmart when we've exhausted every other store for the thing we're looking to buy at that time, I refuse to shop there, such a ridiculous store. Add to the fact that I worked there for a month, and despise Corporate America, conglomerate, market hog,etc, b/c of it. (guess you don't have as many options in PlaP)
Q&L said…
p.s. nice blog background...finally blogger stepped it up with options! :)
Ange said…
I'm leaving in 10 minutes to get Ethan's pictures taken. Isn't it nice that the cheapest package is $99? I wanted to get Aaron's done too, but he'll have to wait, I'm not paying $99. Oh, and we had originally had our appointment last Friday, but the camera wasn't working properly so we had to re-schedule. That's happened before too. I hate Walmart but what else do we have in this town. Grrr....
Sonya said…
Hilarious post, but I feel your pain. Yowzers. Such a joke. I had my own rant about the Walmart Portrait Studio a few years back, but I can't track down the post.
You guys should try Ravenshoe Photographics. He'll even come to your house, or go visit your parents and you'll only be a hop and a skip from his place.
I just got Reid's newborn pics done and got Dillon's 4 year ones done at the same time...even though it was over a month before his birthday. Saving money with sitting fees and the hassle of going twice...so worth it to me. I was there for 3 hours and his Mom helped out, playing tractors with Dillon while Jeff was busy with Reid. Totally recommend him!!
Walmart is so ridiculous. Thanks for the laugh.
Tiffany said…
You're welcome. I actually laughed at it myself as I wrote it - grumpy posts are no fun if they're not at least a tad humorous!

I may have to try Ravenshoe, or someone like him. Might be nice! Maybe in the fall, closer to Christmas. Does he let you keep the prints?
Patkau Life said…
I don't know about you guys ther , but in Sask we have picture places at superstore. They are a little more expensive than the deal you were talking about, but you can get your whole family taken for under $99. We got our two kids taken for $40. that included one of each of the kids and one of them together. My friend got the same stuff for a deal of $20. In sask it is the best place, and I have never heard of anyone having a problem.

So I have been trying to figure out when they can wipe themselves too. Or even how to teach them how to do it so they don't smear it everwhere and actually get clean. ha ha at least they ask you to wipe their bum. Zandria yells, MMMooommmy can you wipe my pppoooopp?? yes even in public washrooms and at other peoples house.

Oh and I know the feeling of the aprentice wages and such. What is he taking?? Jer is electrician.
thanks for the post it sounds like my life minus one kid, but I plan on having four so I will be there yet.
Tiffany said…
Steven is apprenticing for refrigeration and air conditioning tech. I think that's what it's called! lol

I like Superstore too - better pricing, better selection of poses, etc. The only thing that kind of sucks is that it's almost an hour and a half one way - so that's 3 hours on the day the pictures are taken, and then another 3 hours of driving to pick them up!

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